Jane is the author of WaysWomenOrgasm.org and Nosper.com. WaysWomenOrgasm.org aims to inform and reassure women of all ages: both the site content and pictures are completely clean. Nosper.com is interested in promoting approaches to family life that allow us to raise children while remaining sane. The site welcomes suggestions for how adults of both sexes can continue doing their own thing and having fun together while, at the same time, being there for their kids.

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

Men's sexual arousal is usually easy

Young men wake up each morning with an erection and have spontaneous erections throughout the day as sex-related thoughts occur to them or simply as a result of seeing someone they find attractive. A boy has no choice but to learn about his sexual arousal and orgasm but, for women, learning how to orgasm is a much more conscious process.
“What’s pink and hard first thing in the morning? Answer: The Financial Times!” (The FT is a high-brow UK newspaper printed on pink paper).
Her man’s erection is a novelty in a woman’s first relationship with a man since her own anatomy provides her with no comparable experience. If a woman has an erection (of the clitoris) at all, it is only once she has the experience to know how to become highly aroused. A man’s sexual arousal can be very flattering.
In the early days, I was fascinated by the way my partner’s penis appeared to have a separate identity of its own in our sex life! Whole books have been written about the personality of the penis, the cocky blighter, with or without his hat on. But the clitoris? The clitoris is like a demure flower that hides in the face of an audience like a blushing virgin.
“There are two types of penis. One expands and lengthens when becoming erect (The Grower). The other appears big most of the time but doesn’t get much bigger (The Shower). A Men’s Health survey shows 79% of men have growers 21% have showers.” (p34 Men’s Health Magazine June 2007)
Male sexuality involves a high sex drive
Most boys discover masturbation fairly automatically in early teens. The penis is naturally the focus for physical stimulation and visual pornography provides men’s psychological sexual arousal. Men’s sexual fantasies tend to relate well to sex with a partner and so transferring orgasm techniques to sex is usually straightforward.
“It has been said that 90 per cent of men admit to masturbation and the other ten per cent are liars. … Masturbation is almost certainly less common among females than among males.” (Loving Touch 1993)
In her book ‘Hot Relationships’, Tracey Cox tells how one night her partner was so engrossed in his book that, despite sucking him off, she failed to gain his attention. This scenario is so far removed from my experience of physical intimacy with men that I have to wonder whether she was in bed with a shop dummy. The male sex drive represents a big part of how we define masculinity.
“A man is much more easily and quickly aroused, and reaches orgasm in a very short time in almost any situation.” (Healthy Sex 1998)
Especially in their younger years, alcohol may slow men down a little but they still usually manage to come even after quite a few drinks. My experience is that there is no chance that a woman will orgasm after even one drink, whether through masturbation or during sex with a partner. So if the aim of a sex session is for the woman to enjoy orgasm, make sure you do all your wining and dining after sex not before.

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