Why sexual arousal is more elusive for women

Sex has been designed physically and psychologically to favour male sexual arousal and orgasm. This is no accident.
The key reproductive act is male ejaculation (usually co-incident with male orgasm) inside a woman’s vagina. So Nature ensures that men have the best satisfaction from thrusting to orgasm.
Men are bigger and stronger than women because Nature intends our roles to be complementary not the same. Nature also ensures that, at the end of the day, men can win the sexual game.
Women’s sexual role is to attract a man and cause him to become sexually aroused. The man is then able to use his resulting erection to impregnate a woman through thrusting. The woman’s sexual role is to assist with the man’s sexual arousal and to accommodate his needs to allow him to orgasm.
Vaginal intercourse is designed for making babies not for maximising women’s chances of enjoying sexual pleasure. However, many women still prefer vaginal intercourse because it allows them to participate in sexual activity with a partner without any explicit sexual engagement e.g. oral sex and mutual masturbation not only involve more work but are more explicitly sexual.
For successful reproduction, a woman simply needs to accommodate a man’s sex drive through vaginal intercourse. So women’s minds do not respond to sexual pleasure as men’s do. Equally, genital stimulation and orgasm are less important to women than to men. This explains why most women shocked by eroticism and almost never pay for sexual pleasure.
BASRT (the main UK association of sex and relationship therapists) suggests that ‘an important question to ask is whether orgasms are all that important’. This advice is hardly intended for men. The fact is that the majority of women are not motivated to enjoy their own orgasm either alone or with a partner because they never discover how their own sexual arousal works.
Not only is female orgasm irrelevant to reproduction, it is likely to be counterproductive for women to be actively insisting on their own sexual arousal during sex. Nature wants a man’s top priority to be his own orgasm not satisfying a sexual partner. So women prefer to have a man’s commitment (both financial and loving support) before they will engage on a sexual relationship.
Today we might think that everyone chooses their own partner but this was not always true. Social custom is for a woman’s family to choose a mate who can protect and support her. Women rarely choose a mate based on his abilities as a lover.
Sex, vaginal intercourse in particular, has not been designed to facilitate women’s psychological or physical arousal. So women have evolved the use of sexual fantasies to allow them to experience their own sexual arousal and orgasm.