Natalie, a woman in her late twenties, had a close relationship with her mother who was a doctor. I approached Natalie hoping that a mother with a medical background might be more likely than others to have discussed her sexual experiences with a daughter.
When young women have difficulty reaching orgasm during sex, it can be difficult for them to find answers. Natalie was relieved and grateful on realising that she was not alone experiencing a lack of sexual arousal during sex. She was too embarrassed to talk to me but wrote: “On reading your book, I spoke to my mum who said (I quote!): ‘Of course you don’t orgasm during sex!’ Like this was a well known fact!!!!”
For me, Natalie epitomised the modern professional young woman: successful, attractive and confident. Tall and slim, she wore her blond hair cut short, which gave her a sweet elfish look.
I envied the easy-going friendships she maintained with her male work colleagues both within and outside the workplace. Despite her predicament, it was evident that Natalie had never been either brave or curious enough to look for explanations for women’s sexual arousal through reading or talking to someone.
“Everything you talk about in your book, particularly with reference to your problems with having an orgasm during sexual intercourse, I had been having the same problem. For many years, I had thought there was something wrong with me but was just too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it.”
“In fact, I once heard on a radio talk show someone called in and said they couldn’t orgasm during sex. The response to the person having the problem was to blame this on the man!” Holding men responsible for women’s sexual arousal makes men feel inadequate and puts pressure on women to fake orgasm.
It’s amazing that we think we live in the age of information and at a time when people have relatively relaxed attitudes towards sex. Yet this educated young woman was still unable to find information to explain her experience of sex or even to talk to her friends or to her mother. Young women often don’t know how to orgasm and unfortunately there are very few sources of information to help them learn.
The taboo over revealing information of a personal nature means that we respect the fact that sex experts never discuss their own sexual experiences. But sex is personal and anyone advising others about sex should have their relevant personal experiences on public record. Currently, anyone (even a man) is entitled to advise women on orgasm even if they have no qualifying experience.
Natalie told me: “As a result (of reading your book) my relationship with my partner has stepped up a level. I had been reluctant to have sex with him for about a year as I had it in my head that HIS inability to make me orgasm during intercourse must mean I didn’t love him or don’t want to be with him…!”
“Waiting for the Right Man to make us orgasm is like waiting for the prince to come.” (p254 The Hite Report 1976)
Why is it so difficult to find answers? Female orgasm is not required either for men’s enjoyment of sex or for successful reproduction. To keep her man happy and to have a family, a woman is more likely to be concerned with the basics of whether sexual intercourse is possible than with orgasm (the cherry on the cake!).
So typically sex experts deal with sexual dysfunction (primarily problems with male sexual performance). Any problem with female sexual performance, even though considered to be a sexual dysfunction, is not as well understood. The vast majority of women accept their experience of sex or are too embarrassed to question. Since relatively few women are seeking answers there is little funding to improve our understanding of female sexual arousal and orgasm.
Showing posts with label sex advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex advice. Show all posts
Thursday, 15 October 2009
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
Women who enjoy their own sexual arousal
Perhaps it would be simpler if I explained that I am targeting women who masturbate regularly in order to enjoy their own sexual arousal and orgasm.
Other women can be totally convinced that sexual arousal is easy and I am very happy for them. But if you do not masturbate then you cannot usefully comment on the experiences of women who do. This is simply a fact. You may think that you are talking about the same experiences but you cannot be.
Imagine that, as a man, you are comparing notes with another man who has never masturbated to orgasm. Presumably he has never had the urge to masturbate or perhaps he simply lacked the curiosity to explore his own sexual arousal.
Anyway, the first time you have sex you are devastated when ‘the real thing’ turns out to be totally un-arousing. Then you learn that experts concluded decades ago that vaginal intercourse does not provide the PHYSICAL stimulation that a person of your gender needs for orgasm. This makes orgasm highly unlikely even if a person knows that they need to compensate for the lack of genital stimulation.
There you are, with years of experience of your own sexual arousal through masturbation, knowing that you have never experienced the same kind of orgasm with a partner. This same man assures you that orgasm during sex was always easy for him: the first time and every time. He confidently informs you that orgasm is simply a matter of finding a loving partner who knows how to give you an orgasm.
Much later, you also come to appreciate that without the ability to get yourself aroused in your mind during sex as you do during masturbation (imagine here that instead of using erotic IMAGES you use erotic SCENARIOS), there is no means of generating the PSYCHOLOGICAL arousal that makes genital stimulation effective.
So how does this other man generate the sexual arousal that he has never been motivated to enjoy by himself? Especially when he appears to be oblivious to the need for psychological or physical stimulation techniques to compensate for the known facts of his anatomy and psychology for your sex. How can it be that everything works for him WITHOUT HIM EVEN TRYING?
The answer is that it doesn’t because he has never aspired to the same experience in the first place.
In any case, if a woman believes that she is talking about the same heights of orgasm that men experience, then why would she not masturbate? Men certainly do, on a regular basis whether they have a partner or not. So why would a woman not want to enjoy orgasm in the same way? Why all this moral self-restraint?
The problem with sex advice today is that it’s quite possible for a woman who has never masturbated to be advising a woman who is familiar with orgasm from female masturbation. This is wrong because you cannot advise someone unless you have at least as much experience as they have.
Women who know how to achieve their own sexual arousal have an unusually high (for women) appreciation of eroticism and so they understand that orgasm involves a release of sexual feelings not loving feelings. Consequently, true sexual arousal relies on a person’s ability to appreciate eroticism (images for men; scenarios for women).
My aim is to reassure those women who have explored their sexuality both alone and with a partner enough to know that orgasm during sex is not easy. I am interested in whether other women, who are familiar with orgasm from female masturbation, are able to achieve something similar during sex with a partner.
It does not matter if other people believe that women can experience orgasm without learning about their own sexual arousal through masturbation as men do. Neither does it matter that women claim to experience the same spontaneous arousal as men even though the female body and mind do not respond as men’s do. I am not trying to convince everyone.
If people want to learn from the experiences of others, that is their choice. If not, I am not in the least offended.
Other women can be totally convinced that sexual arousal is easy and I am very happy for them. But if you do not masturbate then you cannot usefully comment on the experiences of women who do. This is simply a fact. You may think that you are talking about the same experiences but you cannot be.
Imagine that, as a man, you are comparing notes with another man who has never masturbated to orgasm. Presumably he has never had the urge to masturbate or perhaps he simply lacked the curiosity to explore his own sexual arousal.
Anyway, the first time you have sex you are devastated when ‘the real thing’ turns out to be totally un-arousing. Then you learn that experts concluded decades ago that vaginal intercourse does not provide the PHYSICAL stimulation that a person of your gender needs for orgasm. This makes orgasm highly unlikely even if a person knows that they need to compensate for the lack of genital stimulation.
There you are, with years of experience of your own sexual arousal through masturbation, knowing that you have never experienced the same kind of orgasm with a partner. This same man assures you that orgasm during sex was always easy for him: the first time and every time. He confidently informs you that orgasm is simply a matter of finding a loving partner who knows how to give you an orgasm.
Much later, you also come to appreciate that without the ability to get yourself aroused in your mind during sex as you do during masturbation (imagine here that instead of using erotic IMAGES you use erotic SCENARIOS), there is no means of generating the PSYCHOLOGICAL arousal that makes genital stimulation effective.
So how does this other man generate the sexual arousal that he has never been motivated to enjoy by himself? Especially when he appears to be oblivious to the need for psychological or physical stimulation techniques to compensate for the known facts of his anatomy and psychology for your sex. How can it be that everything works for him WITHOUT HIM EVEN TRYING?
The answer is that it doesn’t because he has never aspired to the same experience in the first place.
In any case, if a woman believes that she is talking about the same heights of orgasm that men experience, then why would she not masturbate? Men certainly do, on a regular basis whether they have a partner or not. So why would a woman not want to enjoy orgasm in the same way? Why all this moral self-restraint?
The problem with sex advice today is that it’s quite possible for a woman who has never masturbated to be advising a woman who is familiar with orgasm from female masturbation. This is wrong because you cannot advise someone unless you have at least as much experience as they have.
Women who know how to achieve their own sexual arousal have an unusually high (for women) appreciation of eroticism and so they understand that orgasm involves a release of sexual feelings not loving feelings. Consequently, true sexual arousal relies on a person’s ability to appreciate eroticism (images for men; scenarios for women).
My aim is to reassure those women who have explored their sexuality both alone and with a partner enough to know that orgasm during sex is not easy. I am interested in whether other women, who are familiar with orgasm from female masturbation, are able to achieve something similar during sex with a partner.
It does not matter if other people believe that women can experience orgasm without learning about their own sexual arousal through masturbation as men do. Neither does it matter that women claim to experience the same spontaneous arousal as men even though the female body and mind do not respond as men’s do. I am not trying to convince everyone.
If people want to learn from the experiences of others, that is their choice. If not, I am not in the least offended.
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
Bringing more realism to sex advice
It is understandable that female sexuality is misrepresented by the media. We all watch films and read books in part to be entertained. We don’t necessarily want to see real-life because we know what that’s like and it’s often depressing. We want to be uplifted by a fantasy view of the world.
Unfortunately this huge gap between sexual fantasy and reality means that men and women today are often disappointed when real life does not match these fantasy portrayals of sex. Until we change our sexual expectations, sex will always be taboo because we end up feeling inadequate.
One sex expert admitted that sex advice is appallingly bad today but, as he put it, he is not prime minister and so cannot change what people think. I suppose it’s like global warming. We all feel that the problem is so huge that no one individual can do anything to change it.
I disagree. I don’t see why organisations that advise the public, especially young people, should not start publishing the truth. Likewise, erotic literature, as a form of fiction, can reflect our sexual fantasies but books that are intended to inform us should reflect the known facts about female sexuality.
Very few sources today offer sex advice or information to couples on the basis of the facts that Shere Hite highlighted in the 1970’s. So today young people are still not told that vaginal intercourse is rarely orgasmic for women or that a woman is likely to struggle with orgasm with a partner by any means. The fact that female masturbation is relatively uncommon is glossed over when talking about women’s knowledge of how to achieve their own sexual arousal.
Even when experts admit that most women do not orgasm from vaginal intercourse, they appear to be oblivious to the resulting relationship problem. Women may accept that sex doesn’t lead to orgasm but a man wants his partner to be enthusiastic about sex so that he can enjoy sex fully.
Some sex experts tell me that my research is out of date. Apparently, the findings of experts in the 1970’s have been superseded by more modern researchers. How can the facts that are established about female sexuality, or our understanding of female sexuality, be completely overturned in the space of a few decades?
Other experts tell me that we now know from laboratory experiments that the clitoris has as many nerve endings as the penis and, that as an organ, the clitoris extends back into the body and so it is more comparable in size with the penis. Is this a competition or what?
I do not doubt these facts but … SO WHAT? I question what they have to do with women’s real-life experiences of sex. I know that a woman can become sexually aroused but how often do women experience this level of arousal in practice? And what do experts suggest is likely to cause this level of sexual arousal in the average woman?
We never admit that there are many reasons why people say things. They want to impress. They are covering up their own sense of sexual inadequacy. They say what they think other people want to hear. They need to make money and have to print what people will read or what sells.
Why do men apologise when they make sexual remarks in front of women? Why do women so rarely make sexual remarks? Why do men buy flowers on Valentine’s Day? Why does experience improve men as lovers and yet young women are often considered sexier than experienced women?
I have wanted to know the answers to questions like these and I am surprised that no one else wonders. On the subject of sex no one seems to demand that one and one must add to two. It’s as if the emotional taboo and sexual politics mean that all logic and rational argument are suspended.
Unfortunately this huge gap between sexual fantasy and reality means that men and women today are often disappointed when real life does not match these fantasy portrayals of sex. Until we change our sexual expectations, sex will always be taboo because we end up feeling inadequate.
One sex expert admitted that sex advice is appallingly bad today but, as he put it, he is not prime minister and so cannot change what people think. I suppose it’s like global warming. We all feel that the problem is so huge that no one individual can do anything to change it.
I disagree. I don’t see why organisations that advise the public, especially young people, should not start publishing the truth. Likewise, erotic literature, as a form of fiction, can reflect our sexual fantasies but books that are intended to inform us should reflect the known facts about female sexuality.
Very few sources today offer sex advice or information to couples on the basis of the facts that Shere Hite highlighted in the 1970’s. So today young people are still not told that vaginal intercourse is rarely orgasmic for women or that a woman is likely to struggle with orgasm with a partner by any means. The fact that female masturbation is relatively uncommon is glossed over when talking about women’s knowledge of how to achieve their own sexual arousal.
Even when experts admit that most women do not orgasm from vaginal intercourse, they appear to be oblivious to the resulting relationship problem. Women may accept that sex doesn’t lead to orgasm but a man wants his partner to be enthusiastic about sex so that he can enjoy sex fully.
Some sex experts tell me that my research is out of date. Apparently, the findings of experts in the 1970’s have been superseded by more modern researchers. How can the facts that are established about female sexuality, or our understanding of female sexuality, be completely overturned in the space of a few decades?
Other experts tell me that we now know from laboratory experiments that the clitoris has as many nerve endings as the penis and, that as an organ, the clitoris extends back into the body and so it is more comparable in size with the penis. Is this a competition or what?
I do not doubt these facts but … SO WHAT? I question what they have to do with women’s real-life experiences of sex. I know that a woman can become sexually aroused but how often do women experience this level of arousal in practice? And what do experts suggest is likely to cause this level of sexual arousal in the average woman?
We never admit that there are many reasons why people say things. They want to impress. They are covering up their own sense of sexual inadequacy. They say what they think other people want to hear. They need to make money and have to print what people will read or what sells.
Why do men apologise when they make sexual remarks in front of women? Why do women so rarely make sexual remarks? Why do men buy flowers on Valentine’s Day? Why does experience improve men as lovers and yet young women are often considered sexier than experienced women?
I have wanted to know the answers to questions like these and I am surprised that no one else wonders. On the subject of sex no one seems to demand that one and one must add to two. It’s as if the emotional taboo and sexual politics mean that all logic and rational argument are suspended.
The problem with sex advice today
It is often suggested today that orgasm is so easy that every woman achieves it as if female sexuality is identical to male sexuality. And yet we all know that women don’t approach sex with the same genital erection (of the clitoris) that men tend to have so how can women hope to orgasm during sex as easily as men do?
The suggestion, that women need a good relationship and a considerate lover to enjoy sex, implies a difference. The suggestion that orgasm is unimportant, also implies different sexual expectations because this advice is NEVER given to men.
Many women dislike the eroticism that leads to enjoying sexual arousal and so they do not understand why anyone would want to stimulate their genitals. Consequently, experts continue to advise that woman’s sexual arousal with a partner depends more on her emotions and her relationship rather than on any appreciation of eroticism even though this is contrary to the male experience of arousal and orgasm.
Since female sexuality (for heterosexuals) is not associated with genital stimulation (of the clitoris), experts recommend panting exercises or flexing pelvic or buttock muscles. The fact that women need clitoral stimulation for orgasm is often missing completely.
Women are sometimes advised to eliminate distracting or negative thoughts (imagine needing to tell men to do this!) when approaching sex with a partner. There is no appreciation of how women can use sexual fantasies to achieve sexual arousal.
Some experts imply that women are being timid or bashful for not explaining to their partner how to provide them with the correct circumstances for orgasm. Any woman who knew how to orgasm would understand that, unlike men, women are not able to orgasm in multiple ways and almost on demand as men can. On the contrary, women are lucky if they find ONE way to orgasm.
I am sorry to be critical but it really does seem to be a case of the blind leading the blind: reminiscent of the scenes from ‘The Chicken Run’ where they are trying to teach the chickens to fly…!
Explanations for how women reach orgasm often miss the point completely. Sex involves our enjoyment of:
SEXUAL AROUSAL through an appreciation of eroticism (men use images women use scenarios); and
ORGASM through genital stimulation (direct stimulation of the penis/clitoris).
Women who ask about orgasm are told that they are dysfunctional but no one mentions the FACTS about female sexuality that GUARANTEE that women will have difficulties with orgasm during sex.
How can every woman orgasm with a partner when most women limit their sexual experiences to vaginal intercourse, which provides insufficient clitoral stimulation for orgasm?
Images of naked men do not cause women to become aroused enough for orgasm. Instead they use sexual fantasies during masturbation. In fact clitoral stimulation is only effective during female masturbation when combined with sexual fantasies.
Many women do not identify with the explicit eroticism involved in achieving true sexual arousal. So although it is known that women use sexual fantasies for sexual arousal during sex this fact is rarely acknowledged. Unfortunately, some women find that they cannot use their fantasies during sex because of the mental focus required to achieve orgasm through fantasy.
The suggestion, that women need a good relationship and a considerate lover to enjoy sex, implies a difference. The suggestion that orgasm is unimportant, also implies different sexual expectations because this advice is NEVER given to men.
Many women dislike the eroticism that leads to enjoying sexual arousal and so they do not understand why anyone would want to stimulate their genitals. Consequently, experts continue to advise that woman’s sexual arousal with a partner depends more on her emotions and her relationship rather than on any appreciation of eroticism even though this is contrary to the male experience of arousal and orgasm.
Since female sexuality (for heterosexuals) is not associated with genital stimulation (of the clitoris), experts recommend panting exercises or flexing pelvic or buttock muscles. The fact that women need clitoral stimulation for orgasm is often missing completely.
Women are sometimes advised to eliminate distracting or negative thoughts (imagine needing to tell men to do this!) when approaching sex with a partner. There is no appreciation of how women can use sexual fantasies to achieve sexual arousal.
Some experts imply that women are being timid or bashful for not explaining to their partner how to provide them with the correct circumstances for orgasm. Any woman who knew how to orgasm would understand that, unlike men, women are not able to orgasm in multiple ways and almost on demand as men can. On the contrary, women are lucky if they find ONE way to orgasm.
I am sorry to be critical but it really does seem to be a case of the blind leading the blind: reminiscent of the scenes from ‘The Chicken Run’ where they are trying to teach the chickens to fly…!
Explanations for how women reach orgasm often miss the point completely. Sex involves our enjoyment of:
SEXUAL AROUSAL through an appreciation of eroticism (men use images women use scenarios); and
ORGASM through genital stimulation (direct stimulation of the penis/clitoris).
Women who ask about orgasm are told that they are dysfunctional but no one mentions the FACTS about female sexuality that GUARANTEE that women will have difficulties with orgasm during sex.
How can every woman orgasm with a partner when most women limit their sexual experiences to vaginal intercourse, which provides insufficient clitoral stimulation for orgasm?
Images of naked men do not cause women to become aroused enough for orgasm. Instead they use sexual fantasies during masturbation. In fact clitoral stimulation is only effective during female masturbation when combined with sexual fantasies.
Many women do not identify with the explicit eroticism involved in achieving true sexual arousal. So although it is known that women use sexual fantasies for sexual arousal during sex this fact is rarely acknowledged. Unfortunately, some women find that they cannot use their fantasies during sex because of the mental focus required to achieve orgasm through fantasy.
Taking the ego out of sex advice
If there’s one thing I would like to change, it is this know-it-all attitude that people bring to any discussion of sex. Adults so often assume that they know everything about sex and yet most people have never even read a sex manual.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but it would be more convincing if they were not flaunting their own sexual ego. Whatever our own personal views there is absolutely no need to express them in a way that humiliates other people.
A woman in her thirties was confident in recommending: “I love sex and I am sure I love it just as much as men do. If you are not enjoying sex you need a new partner. You should be enjoying sex! … I have had many lovers which I completely and thoroughly enjoyed wild, hot, passionate sex just for sex sake! “
If women were truly offering to share experiences, they would express their views with more humility. People feel free to make highly personal comments about someone else’s relationship when, in truth, they know very little about sex. It is this arrogant and patronising approach that holds other people back from talking about sex.
Are such women even aware that orgasm exists? They talk about enjoying sex but perhaps that doesn’t include true female sexual arousal and orgasm? They are happy with reality as they find it because sex totally fulfils their expectations. There is no appreciation of the fact that people approach sex from totally different perspectives.
I am discussing sex on a different and more questioning level. For example, when I had sex for the first time I already knew how to masturbate myself to orgasm. Most women never learn how to orgasm by themselves let alone with a partner. Some other women only learn about orgasm through masturbation much later. So they have nothing to compare sex with.
As recently (when you think that sex has been around for eons) as the 1950’s, society was shocked to the core when Alfred Kinsey proposed that women might be even capable of orgasm. So if orgasm is just as easy to achieve, natural and spontaneous for women as it is for men, then it must be the best kept secret ever.
Even today with all the information we have, our liberated views and easy access to sexual partners my point is that it cannot be that every women in the world (or even just in western society) now experiences orgasm during sex. Most people still don’t even appreciate that the clitoris is the female sex organ and the source of a woman’s orgasm however she claims to achieve it.
This is because clitoral stimulation only works once a woman is aroused enough in her mind for genital stimulation to be effective. Even if a woman realises that her sexual arousal works through focusing on complex erotic scenarios during female masturbation alone, it is much less intuitive for her to even consider using similar orgasm techniques during sex with a partner.
Women who are claiming that it is all so easy need to start offering more factual substance to back their claims of sexual arousal and orgasm. Other women out there have also have a female mind and body. We know that without testosterone and the male sex drive, we do not constantly have eroticism, sex and orgasm on our minds.
Any woman who knows anything about her own sexual arousal knows that women have to work up to sex. A woman who admits that arousal takes longer, for example, or that she has to work at achieving her own arousal is more credible.
It is a FACT that since very few women masturbate, by definition, most women approach sex without any knowledge of what orgasm feels like or how to achieve it. So they ASSUME that female orgasm occurs as easily as male orgasm does. The pleasures they enjoy during sex, whether sensual pleasure or sharing physical intimacy, they attribute to arousal and orgasm.
Dating is easy because of the romance that often accompanies sex. Try being married for ten to twenty years and many couples find that a good sex life requires a little investment. Again if it all continues blissfully for you, great, but there’s no need to patronise others. You may think that you have all the answers but if you are to help others you will need to provide specifics.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but it would be more convincing if they were not flaunting their own sexual ego. Whatever our own personal views there is absolutely no need to express them in a way that humiliates other people.
A woman in her thirties was confident in recommending: “I love sex and I am sure I love it just as much as men do. If you are not enjoying sex you need a new partner. You should be enjoying sex! … I have had many lovers which I completely and thoroughly enjoyed wild, hot, passionate sex just for sex sake! “
If women were truly offering to share experiences, they would express their views with more humility. People feel free to make highly personal comments about someone else’s relationship when, in truth, they know very little about sex. It is this arrogant and patronising approach that holds other people back from talking about sex.
Are such women even aware that orgasm exists? They talk about enjoying sex but perhaps that doesn’t include true female sexual arousal and orgasm? They are happy with reality as they find it because sex totally fulfils their expectations. There is no appreciation of the fact that people approach sex from totally different perspectives.
I am discussing sex on a different and more questioning level. For example, when I had sex for the first time I already knew how to masturbate myself to orgasm. Most women never learn how to orgasm by themselves let alone with a partner. Some other women only learn about orgasm through masturbation much later. So they have nothing to compare sex with.
As recently (when you think that sex has been around for eons) as the 1950’s, society was shocked to the core when Alfred Kinsey proposed that women might be even capable of orgasm. So if orgasm is just as easy to achieve, natural and spontaneous for women as it is for men, then it must be the best kept secret ever.
Even today with all the information we have, our liberated views and easy access to sexual partners my point is that it cannot be that every women in the world (or even just in western society) now experiences orgasm during sex. Most people still don’t even appreciate that the clitoris is the female sex organ and the source of a woman’s orgasm however she claims to achieve it.
This is because clitoral stimulation only works once a woman is aroused enough in her mind for genital stimulation to be effective. Even if a woman realises that her sexual arousal works through focusing on complex erotic scenarios during female masturbation alone, it is much less intuitive for her to even consider using similar orgasm techniques during sex with a partner.
Women who are claiming that it is all so easy need to start offering more factual substance to back their claims of sexual arousal and orgasm. Other women out there have also have a female mind and body. We know that without testosterone and the male sex drive, we do not constantly have eroticism, sex and orgasm on our minds.
Any woman who knows anything about her own sexual arousal knows that women have to work up to sex. A woman who admits that arousal takes longer, for example, or that she has to work at achieving her own arousal is more credible.
It is a FACT that since very few women masturbate, by definition, most women approach sex without any knowledge of what orgasm feels like or how to achieve it. So they ASSUME that female orgasm occurs as easily as male orgasm does. The pleasures they enjoy during sex, whether sensual pleasure or sharing physical intimacy, they attribute to arousal and orgasm.
Dating is easy because of the romance that often accompanies sex. Try being married for ten to twenty years and many couples find that a good sex life requires a little investment. Again if it all continues blissfully for you, great, but there’s no need to patronise others. You may think that you have all the answers but if you are to help others you will need to provide specifics.
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