Some women do explore sexual pleasure

Slowly attitudes to sexual pleasure are changing and more couples are approaching their sex life with a willingness to try activities other than vaginal intercourse.
This brings welcome variety for men as well as the opportunity for a couple to explore whether more explicit stimulation might increase the woman’s arousal and even lead to orgasm. For example, many women who explore sexual pleasure with a partner find that oral sex is how they enjoy their best orgasms.
“There is no reason why physical intimacy with men should always consist of ‘foreplay’ followed by intercourse and male orgasm; and there is no reason why intercourse must be part of heterosexual sex.” (p34 The Hite Reports 1993)
The pre-orgasmic woman (a woman who can only orgasm during masturbation alone) faces a unique dilemma because of the difficulty she may have in trying to reconcile a sexual relationship without orgasm and her own sexual pleasure.
Presumably, with oral sex becoming more accepted, couples are content when the woman can climax in this way. However, perhaps even for these women there is a similar problem if a couple still feels that ideally orgasms should result from intercourse.
One advantage of vaginal intercourse, when combined with a face-to-face position, is that it allows for the loving aspects of sexual relationships. Equally, for many people, penetration is the greatest turn-on because it symbolises the ultimate act of intimacy with another person. Another form of sex play, that is highly taboo especially for women, is anal sex.
If a woman is open-minded and has a sensitive lover then anal stimulation/penetration combined with clitoral stimulation is likely to lead to orgasm. As with vaginal fisting, a professional lubricant from a sex shop and plenty of time to take things slowly are critical. Try Em & Lo’s book ‘The Big Bang’ on both of these.
Basically, if you are struggling with lack of sexual arousal during sex and genuinely want to share your own arousal with a partner then you will need to be prepared to explore sexual activities other than straight intercourse. This means making some special effort once in a while to spice up your sex life.
“Anal intercourse: This is something which nearly every couple tries once. A few stay with it, usually because the woman finds that it gives her more intense feelings than the normal route and it is pleasantly tight for the man.” (p118 The Joy of Sex 1972)