Women whose sexual arousal relies on their relationship

Many women talk about sexual arousal and orgasm in terms of their relationship. They describe their loving feelings for their partner and explain their sexual arousal in terms of the idea that their partner finds them attractive. Masturbation has no meaning for them because, for such women, sex is solely about sharing physical intimacy with their man.
I am not saying that orgasms achieved through fantasy are necessarily better than those achieved through women’s loving emotions. It’s important not to judge other people’s experiences and, as long as women are content with what they have, I don’t want to cause them to feel that their experiences are lacking in any way.
The only problem with this approach is that romantic sensations don’t last forever. After decades you can still love your partner (if you’re lucky!) but it is difficult to have the same thrills of romantic passion simply because these feelings come in part from the novelty of the relationship.
The first ten years or so of any relationship can be relatively easy because we are getting to know each other. Hopefully we are still exploring ways of enjoying intimate time and sexual pleasure together. Long-term relationships (over 10 years) are more challenging because a couple needs to be willing to open up to each other on a different level.
We have found talking to other people, marriage guidance counsellors and sex therapists, very useful and more couples (especially men) should be brave enough to try this. Remember that if you really care about your sex life, you may have to hear some things that you don’t want to hear. No one is going to force you to do anything and it’s totally up to you how you choose to change things.
A woman who has explored her own sexual arousal through an appreciation of eroticism and through developing her own sexual fantasies is better placed to make the investment in exploring sex with a partner. Remember that you are never too old to learn about enjoying eroticism and orgasm through female masturbation. It’s all about having an open mind.
A woman who finds sex and eroticism disgusting or morally offensive is likely to be less willing to be adventurous in bed. If a woman has these attitudes but is willing to consider a change, I would suggest starting by reading some innocent romantic stories. Then you can build up to reading some more directly erotic stories.
Imagine yourself as the object of a man’s sexual desire. This in part depends on a woman being able to see herself as desirable. She may have to work on her self-image. Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and for every woman there’s a man who will find her attractive. Not every man wants a blonde bombshell anorexic model in order to enjoy his sex life.
Portrayals of women as sexual beings are not negative or disgusting. Women just find the raw crudity of sexual activity less appealing than men tend to but with fantasy you can gloss over these practicalities. Women need to approach sex through the mind and through imagining sexual scenarios where the woman is in control (at least as the director of the fantasy!).
In the end women stand to lose out if they do not explore activities other than vaginal intercourse with a partner. Most women who do experience orgasm do so through direct clitoral stimulation – either oral sex or female masturbation.