Why it can be difficult to share our sexual experiences

One of the reasons that adults find it so difficult to discuss sex openly is because of the personal nature of sex. It’s important to consider how other people might feel as a result of what we say.
So men can be offended if it is implied that because they are enthusiastic about sex this necessarily means that they are less discriminating. Not every man has been with a prostitute, for example.
Equally there are women who enjoy sexual promiscuity. This is more down to personality and personal values than to sex drive. No doubt they have something to prove but it’s rarely just to enjoy orgasm during sex.
My aim is not to judge people’s sexual decisions but to differentiate between the motivation that men and women have to engage on a sexual relationship. These are likely to differ because women’s sexual arousal and orgasm is much more difficult to achieve (especially with a partner).
The evidence supporting women’s greater difficulties with sexual arousal compared with men are well documented. Nevertheless, it takes great courage to be truly open and honest about our personal sexual experiences. Anyone who does so makes an easy target for others who may not be so ready to put their own experiences under the spotlight!
I am always happy to hear that some women experience easy sexual arousal during sex with a partner. But, as my experience shows, this is certainly not true for all women. It’s important, when offering advice, not to insinuate that any woman who does not automatically orgasm during sex with a partner is sexually inadequate.
In over 10 years of talking to women about sex I have found very few who are willing to be explicit. The vast majority of women are offended by any sexual phenomena as explicit as clitoral stimulation or sexual fantasies. They approach sex through their relationship with a partner and only look for sensual pleasures from sex.
Women who are confident that orgasm with a partner is easy may want to consider whether their expectations are the same as women who are familiar with orgasm from female masturbation. If we are to encourage women to be more open about sex it is important to respect each other’s experiences.
I am specifically offering reassurance to women who are familiar with orgasm from female masturbation and who would like to experience something similar with a partner. A woman who masturbates (as an adult activity with the aim of enjoying sexual arousal and orgasm) is likely to be hoping for true sexual arousal from sex because she is familiar with orgasm.
It’s a real positive that men slow down a bit as they grow older (post 35) – older men stand to make much better lovers! Equally the clitoris becomes slightly less sensitive and so a lover may be able to stimulate a woman’s clitoris more directly – still gently and over the hood though.
It is much more difficult for a younger man to focus on his partner’s arousal because his own orgasm is his top priority. Over time, the man needs to learn how to pleasure a woman using erotic and sensual massage. Even if orgasm is missing, a woman will appreciate a sex life that is more two-way.