Sharing physical intimacy with a partner

From the very early days, I appreciated the sensual aspects of sex with a partner:
The intimacy of full-on kissing
Enjoying the different feel of hairy skin
Marvelling at the responsiveness of his erection
The intimacy of nudity
The concept of penetration
I have enjoyed sharing physical intimacy with a lover but this is very different to achieving my own sexual arousal. I always knew that true sexual arousal was missing because I was familiar with orgasm from the very first time that I had sex. Very few women discover female masturbation before having sex.
As a natural part of a loving relationships, my partners have wanted to demonstrate affection by hugging, kissing and touching my body. Naturally, they have appreciated me returning a similar level of physical fondling of their body. Thereafter the follow through to intercourse and male orgasm is from their perspective an inevitable conclusion to close physical intimacy with someone they love.
I accepted this and did not withdraw my affection even though I did not personally want sex on each occasion. I have put effort into responding sensually and lovingly because I knew that it would pleasure my partner. My partner has always been quick to become noticeably aroused so learning how to pleasure a man was an easy way to demonstrate my love for him.
Men approach sex already mentally aroused and so they tend to take this aspect of sex for granted. Physical stimulation techniques only work if you are already aroused in your mind. Other women might talk about feeling horny or turned on but this is more likely to indicate that they are amenable to sex not that they are just about to orgasm.
A therapist once asked me what I found most attractive about my partner. The answer was easy: first his penis, next his face and then perhaps his voice. I’m not sure that all heterosexual women are as comfortable with admiring their partner’s genitals or even that they are familiar with their own.
One of unfortunate consequences of the sexual revolution was to imply that all of a sudden women were transformed from what they were before (presumably just ordinary women – wives, housewives and mothers) into fully motivated sexual beings.
It would be great if women did get turned on by the visual pornography that men enjoy. Sadly many women are disgusted by graphic images of sexual acts. Some couples do watch porn movies together but many women are not amenable.
Men experience spontaneous sexual arousal as a result of testosterone (the hormone responsible for sex drive) and by the sight of a woman’s body. Women have neither of these benefits. They have to consciously decide to achieve their own sexual arousal. This is where sexual fantasies come in.
Overall, I find stories are more effective than images for generating sexual fantasies and sexual arousal. Porn movies are good for getting turned on to sex with a partner but do not help me achieve orgasm during female masturbation.
I have found (post 35 when my clit has been less sensitive) that my partner can stimulate me much more effectively with his fingers. Penetration is nice, conceptually, but the vagina has few nerve endings – it is, after all, the birth canal.