How to pleasure a man

Tracy Cox (author of ‘Hot Sex’) tells a story of a woman who welcomes her partner home from work wearing a sexy nightdress, with champagne by the bed and a pornographic movie ready in the machine. If she does this regularly and over the longer term then I take my hat off to her! Her partner is a very lucky man.
More realistically for the majority of women I suggest that such pampering to the male sex fantasy is likely to be an occasional male treat. Nevertheless, such episodes that live out men’s sexual fantasies can fuel a man’s sexual arousal and enjoyment of more ‘bread-and-butter’ style sex for some weeks.
Fantasy style sex by definition is likely to be occasional. If inventive and unusual sex happened every day of the week, it would ultimately become the norm. Nevertheless, men still hope for this ideal of everyday fantasy sex.
Having just administered a local anaesthetic prior to a minor surgical procedure, my chirpy medical consultant asked me whether I had any last requests. “Not really, just be as quick as you can!” I replied. “That’s exactly what my wife says to me!” jokes he. Men don’t want sex to be a chore that is ‘gotten over with’ as quickly as possible. Particularly, over the course of time men hope for their partner to be more engaged in sex than in the early years where they could carry the day with their own arousal.
The best female lovers learn to share eroticism
In the film ‘Ruthless People’, an older man hires a prostitute to have sex with him in the back of his car. He asks her to make as much noise as possible because his wife always lies there ‘like a gunny-sack’. The prostitute duly screams and moans so much that an onlooker (who admittedly is very stupid) mistakes the couple to be a murderer and his victim.
For men to enjoy sex they need to feed their sexual fantasies, which are most effective when based on their real sex life. Hence, men want to develop the variety, spontaneity and imagination of their relationship with a sexual partner. Men hope a lover will enhance their sexual arousal by engaging on their appreciation of eroticism and by responding appreciatively.
“It isn’t the same for the two sexes because male turn-ons are concrete, while many female turn-ons are situational and atmospheric. … You can’t of course control your turn-ons any more than he can, but it helps if a woman has some male-type object reactions, like being excited by the sight of a penis, or hairy skin, or by the man stripping, or by physical kinds of play (just as it helps if the man has some sense of atmosphere). It’s the active woman who understands his reaction while keeping her own who is the ideal lover.” (p36 The Joy of Sex 1972)
Contrary to our instincts, women are likely to make better lovers than men in the sense of being dedicated to giving their partners pleasure, whether as mistresses, prostitutes or just as adventurous girlfriends and wives. Women are able to focus wholeheartedly on pleasuring a man because they can put aside their own sexual arousal. Younger men in particular are likely to have difficulty focusing on their partner’s arousal rather than their own.
Porn movies may show women willingly pleasuring men but it’s important to recognise that they are being paid to do that. In a loving relationship if a man relies on the financial advantage (by assuming that sex is an automatic right based on his higher income) the woman will quickly feel that he is using her for sex. If a man starts out more enthusiastic about sex then, over the longer-term, he needs to be willing to invest effort in pleasuring his woman.