Young & sexy

young woman complained about the male attention she got every time she left the hostel on 42nd Street in Manhattan, dressed in her high heels and low cleavage. Yes, well… It is relatively easy for a woman to attract a man’s attention by enhancing her looks.
It is more difficult for her to cash in on the advantage by enjoying orgasm with a partner. Women do not experience the spontaneous arousal that men do and so women do not have the same need for orgasm. A woman is rarely seeking sex in the sense that a man does.
All this is very confusing for men. They see a woman who has apparently gone to great deal of effort to attract their attention. Naturally a man assumes that she must be interested in sex. Looking at this issue from the other side, since men never put on make-up or dress provocatively we might conclude they are not interested in sex.
Of course this does not follow. The sexes have different but complementary roles. The woman’s role is to attract a man’s attention. The man’s role is to take the initiative in making an advance towards a woman he finds attractive. So women’s bodies are a sexual commodity in a way that men’s rarely are.
Men want control in sexual situations because ultimately it is their sexual performance that is key to any sexual relationship and, of course, to reproduction. So men have the initial choice of selecting a woman they find attractive but women have the choice to accept or decline their offer. These behaviours are fundamental to our dating and mating rituals.
Rich men tend to marry women who are attractive rather those who succeed alongside men in the academic or commercial world. So, in our heterosexual society, even women tend to judge other women by their looks rather than their achievements.
Women have lower sexual desire
One year at college I lived with six other female students. Two of them were always entertaining young men in their rooms. The rest of us assumed that they must have been having sex with at least some of the stream of men who came through our flat. My conclusion was not that they achieved sexual satisfaction with these men but that they enjoyed being so popular.
Most women need a stable relationship in which there is a high degree of trust and good communication in order to experience good sex. One-night stands can only be fuelling a woman’s ego and satisfying her vanity. Ironically, young women often lack confidence and being promiscuous is an easy way to be popular, with men at least.
Women’s difficulties with sexual arousal and orgasm are often blamed on low libido but women naturally have a lower sex drive than men as evidenced by:
our enthusiasm for eroticism, either visual pornography or erotic stories;
our willingness to indulge in sexual fantasies;
the pleasure we obtain from admiring the sexual attributes of the opposite sex;
how frequently we masturbate; and
our motivation to initiate sex with a partner.
So, for example, when I have offered my partners oral sex (fellatio) they almost swoon with pleasure and yet I rarely find oral sex (cunnilingus) arousing enough for orgasm. Even women who orgasm from cunnilingus need the circumstances to be just right and I suspect that few women would be willing to pay for the pleasure as men do.
The oldest profession (prostitution) says it all: a relatively few women provide sex for many more men. Of course the women are shamed for making money out of men’s need. Yet men often compensate women financially for sex – not an indication of equal pleasure. Even in our supposedly liberated times over 90% of the Internet provides some form of sex for men.
Inevitably there must be some women who are sexually insatiable and some men who are unmoved by sex but these individuals do not represent the ‘norm’. Most women never talk about lost sexual opportunities. They talk about commitment and trust. This enormous gap between the sexes means that most women remain terribly naïve about men’s sex drive.