Sexual promiscuity

Renate, a young student of twenty-six liked to be affectionate with her male friends but she was bewildered when they interpreted her hugs as a sexual advance.
A man tends to assume that physical intimacy is a given as soon as a woman shows any form of intimacy with him. A woman needs more time to build the trust and respect that generate the emotional intimacy that causes her to be amenable to sex with a man.
“Women associate affection with love. … Men associate affection much more directly with sex. … Men see affection of any kind as a sexual invitation. Many women find this bewildering.” (p264 Why Men don’t get enough Sex and Women don’t get enough Love 1994)
This explains in part why women can happily kiss each other, touch and go to the bathroom together without any sexual implication. It is much more difficult for men to engage in the same kind of innocent intimacy with others of the same sex because men’s intentions when seeking physical intimacy are so often sexually motivated.
One evening Renate invited some friends for supper and after the others had left, one young man simply went upstairs and got into her bed. Renate did not know how to ask him to leave and so she had sex with him. After having sex with a number of male friends at college, Renate found that even some of the men started to treat her disrespectfully.
In fact, a sexually demanding partner can be a turn-off for a man. Simply put, men prefer to be the ones chasing women rather than the other way around. Nevertheless, they are unlikely to see the contradiction in wanting their woman to be enthusiastic about sexual opportunities with them even when they know that she is less driven by sex in general.
Men are rarely called sluts
We accept men being promiscuous because of their sex drive but women do not have the same excuse. This is why we can admire James Bond’s light-hearted sexual exploits but all three women in Charlie’s Angels are engaged in committed relationships. From a male perspective it might appear that women are inhibited but the truth is that most women are naturally more selective about who they have sex with.
This is why many people believe in sheltering young women from eroticism because it is generally much more difficult for women to enjoy the same sexual pleasure that men do, especially from casual sex. Most women who learn how to orgasm with a partner do so only after many years with the same man.
Teenage girls need to be reassured that they should never feel bulldozed into sex by the popular view that sex is always easily pleasurable for women. True sexual liberation means girls having control over their own body and the confidence to hope to enjoy arousal from their sexual relationships.
In the film ‘Fifth Element’, Bruce Willis kisses the alien beauty assuming that she is unconscious. Jumping up instantly, she points a gun at him and gabbles quite unintelligibly. Later, he asks for a translation, “Not without my permission”. He smiles wryly and acknowledges, “I thought so”. Whatever taunts are thrown out by men looking for a frivolous lay, in the longer term men respect a more picky woman.
“When men see an attractive woman, they fantasise about sex. When women see an attractive man, they fantasise about a relationship – charming, agreeable company over dinner, friendship and comfort. Sex does not necessarily come into it.” (p30 Bluffers Guide to Women 1998)