How do women become sexually aroused during sex with a partner?

The big hole in all the explanations is: what do women use for sexual arousal, that is their psychological arousal, during sex with a partner? It’s straightforward during female masturbation because a woman can focus fully on fantasy.
It is likely to be much more difficult for a woman to generate the same conditions during sex. This has nothing to do with inhibition, personal embarrassment or the desire to put a man’s needs first. It’s like deep meditation – it takes great focus and concentration to use sexual fantasies effectively.
After decades of trying different orgasm techniques with a partner I have not been able to replicate the exact same sensations of orgasm that I get from masturbation. I do get some really nice physical feelings from anal stimulation and sometimes from vaginal fisting but these orgasms are different from those I get by using fantasy.
I am willing to go through the personal embarrassment of revealing the exact nature of my sexual experiences in the hope that other women might be encouraged to come forward and do the same. Of course, the worry is that I have no way of knowing that my sexual responses are normal.
But what exactly is normal? For example, I might describe to you the pleasure I get from Mathematics: the subject I studied at university. It’s likely that my knowledge and understanding of Mathematics exceeds that of the average person in the population. This does not make my experience abnormal any more than it makes other people’s experiences abnormal. We can all have normal responses and still be different to each other.
Likewise my sexual experiences are likely to be different to other women. I read erotic novels as a teenager, discovered female masturbation to orgasm at the age of seventeen and then spent decades trying a variety of techniques during regular sex with a partner. How many women put this much effort and enthusiasm into exploring their sexual arousal?
My motivation to pursue this topic has been driven by the unreasonably defensive response I have had from others. I have asked legitimate and logical questions by being totally honest about my sexual experiences. In return, I have been patronized and given emotional answers by people who have never volunteered to support their opinions with their own personal experiences.
I am a perfectly normal woman with normal sexual responses. Yet because other women claim to experience easy sexual arousal, the implication is that woman who admits to difficulties with sexual arousal is sexually inadequate. This just is not the case. I want to put the record straight for future generations of women. It is not right that couples continue to be misled by what is currently published about female sexuality.
In case you missed it, this is the political rally…It is time that women were honest about what they want and what they like. We owe it to our daughters. We don’t have to be like men. It is not our job to impregnate. It is our job to have the babies and keep the men interested. We don’t have to lie.
It’s really important that women stand up for what they want. We can pleasure men and give them what they want and still retain our self respect. Women need to tell men that we want different things in return for sex. Companionship. Mutual respect. Mutual support. Orgasm would be great but, if not, then more selfless and sensual pleasuring where they put their own orgasm to one side.