Emotional intimacy may lead to physical intimacy

Sex does not stand on its own in a relationship and in long-term sexual relationships, a couple will need to invest in their wider relationship. The candle-lit dinners, soft music and flowers we tend to associate with romance provide the backdrop for the companionable aspects of the relationship. Emotional intimacy involves spending intimate time together by talking over dinner, while taking a walk or as you prepare a meal together.
“Women need to feel a degree of sexual intimacy before sex becomes desirable… For women, intimacy sometimes results in sex; for men, sex sometimes results in intimacy.” (p15 Bluffer’s Guide to Women 1998)
Men may have sex constantly on the brain but a woman’s mind does not tend to dwell on her genitals (or anyone else’s!) during the course of a normal day. The result is that women’s sexual arousal is not automatic in the way that men’s tends to be. How to get laid: you need to lead up to sex by creating an environment that will lead to emotional and physical intimacy and hopefully sex.
Men are not a sexual commodity in the way that women can be to men. So, for example, we don’t refer to men as blondes or brunettes. We want a friend, a companion and, yes, a lover but someone who is interested in us as a person as much as a body.
“Above all women like men who take an interest in them.” (p29 Bluffer’s Guide to Women 1998)
Sexual relationships favour male orgasm and yet men are often reluctant to invest effort in pleasuring a woman. A woman is initially flattered when a man gets turned on by her body but over time she comes to doubt that he is devoted to her personally because his sexual frustration is so apparent. A difficult one for men but… try not to be too obvious about your own need for orgasm.
“A woman… wants more intimacy, comprising affection, commitment, and respect for individual identity… Although she knows he wants sex, she is frustrated because this seems to be the only form of intimacy he is interested in with her.” (p77 Why Men don’t get enough Sex and Women don’t get enough Love 1994)
In essence, women want to feel appreciated in a wider sense than just as a sexual partner. A woman is much more likely to be willing to pleasure her man when she feels good about the relationship in general. In the longer term, a man will also need to return the favour by ensuring that the woman receives some pampering by including a more sensual massage.